第78章 (2/2)

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s discovery!Yet, how just a humiliation! Had I been in love,I could not have been more wretchedly blind! But vanity,not love,has been my folly.Pleased with the preference of one, and offended by the neglect of the other, on the very beginning of our acquaintance,I have courted prepossession and ignorance,and driven reason away,where either were concerned. Till this moment I never knew myself.”

    From herself to Jane—from Jane to Bingley,her thoughts were in a line which soon brought to her recollection that Mr.Darcy's explanation there had appeared very insufficient,and she read it again.Widely different was the effect of a second perusal.How could she deny that credit to his assertions in one instance,which she had been obliged to give in the other?He declared himself to be totally unsuspicious of her sister's attachment;and she could not help remembering what Charlotte's opinion had always been. Neither could she deny the justice of his deion of Jane.She felt that Jane's feelings,though fervent,were little displayed,and that there was a constant complacency in her air and manner not often united with great sensibility.

    When she came to that part of the letter in which her family were mentioned in terms of such mortifying, yet merited reproach,her sense of shame was severe.The justice of the charge struck her too forcibly for denial,and the circumstances to which he particularly alluded as having passed at the Netherfield ball, and as confirming all his first disapprobation, could not have made a stronger impression on his mind than on hers.

    The compliment to herself and her sister was not unfelt. It soothed, but it could not console her for the contempt which had thus been self-attracted by the rest of her family;and as she considered that Jane's disappointment had in fact been the work of her nearest relations,and reflected how materially the credit of both must be hurt by such impropriety of conduct, she felt depressed beyond anything she had ever known before.

    After wandering along the lane for two hours, giving way to every variety of thought—re-considering events, determining probabilities, and reconciling herself, as well as she could, to a change so sudden and so important, fatigue, and a recollection of her long absence, made her at length return home; and she entered the house with the wish of appearing cheerful as usual, and the resolution of repressing such reflections as must make her unfit for conversation.

    She was immediately told that the two gentlemen from Rosings had each called during her absence;Mr.Darcy,only for a few minutes, to take leave—but that Colonel Fitzwilliam had been sitting with them at least an hour, hoping for her return, and almost resolving to walk after her till she could be found. Elizabeth could but just affect concern in missing him;she really rejoiced at it. Colonel Fitzwilliam was no longer an object; she could think only of her letter.